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“Why Am I Always Broke?”
Nov
Why Am I Always Broke? The Science of Being Too Bro
Welcome to today’s lesson in financial self-awareness, sponsored by:
Your bank account having a panic attack.
Let’s break down the official science behind why you are, in fact, Too Bro.
1. You Have “Treat Yourself” Disease
You: “I’ve been working hard. I deserve this.”
Your wallet: “PLEASE. STOP.”
Every minor inconvenience?
Boom — Starbucks.
You got out of bed today?
Boom — $17 sandwich.
Your brain knows better.
But your heart is like:
“Self-care is buying things I can’t afford.”
2. You’re a Victim of “The Group Chat”
The homies say “brunch?” and suddenly you are:
- Wearing your nicest outfit
- In an Uber you definitely didn’t need
- Paying $26 for pancakes made by a man named Brayden
Peer pressure isn’t real.
Friendship is.
And friendship apparently costs like $78 minimum.
3. You Believe in “Future Me Will Handle It”
You: buys something expensive
Also you: “I’ll figure it out later.”
Later:
“Hey, what the hell??”
Future You is tired of your crap.
Future You is filing HR complaints.
Future You wants to speak to the manager (which is also you).
It’s a toxic workplace.
4. You’re Addicted to The Vibes
Sometimes you don’t need it.
Sometimes it’s not smart.
Sometimes you can’t afford it.
But the vibes said YES.
And you listened.
You’re a vibe soldier.
A vibe champion.
A warrior of the aesthetic.
And also broke.
5. You’re Not Broke. You’re “Emotionally Wealthy.”
Your net worth?
None of our business.
Your main character energy?
Priceless.
Your ability to say,
“I’ll figure it out somehow.”
Elite.
Conclusion
You’re broke because:
- You’re fun.
- You’re social.
- You’re stylish.
- You’re mentally built like a golden retriever.
And honestly?
We wouldn’t have you any other way.
Stay broke.
Stay glowing.
Stay TOO BRO. 🫡🔥
