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Fitness for the Financially Unwell
Nov
Fitness for the Financially Unwell
Gym memberships are like $60/month now.
That’s crazy.
We’re broke, not training for the Olympics.
So here’s how to get jacked when your bank account is on dialysis.
1. The Free Gym: Planet Earth™
You know what’s free?
- Stairs
- Sidewalks
- Parks
- Running away from your problems
Go outside and run like your rent is due.
Cardio: handled.
2. DIY Weights (Broke Edition)
Can’t afford dumbbells?
Use:
- Water jugs
- Laundry detergent
- That emotional baggage you’ve been carrying
- Your crippling regret (heavy as hell)
Fitness is innovation.
3. The “Push-Ups Until You Hate Yourself” Program
No equipment.
No excuses.
Just floor + suffering.
Do push-ups until:
- Your arms quit
- Your soul exits your body
- You start seeing ancestors
Then do 5 more.
That’s growth.
4. Playground = Luxury Fitness Facility
Monkey bars?
Pull-up station.
Park bench?
Tricep dip throne.
Slide?
…okay that’s just for fun.
Balance your life.
5. Grocery Bag Farmer Carries
Next time you’re carrying groceries inside:
DON’T TAKE MORE THAN ONE TRIP.
We train for:
- Strength
- Pain tolerance
- Stubbornness
Sweating?
Shaking?
About to drop everything?
That’s performance art.
6. Recovery = Laying on the Floor
After your workout, simply collapse.
Stare at the ceiling.
Reevaluate life.
Accept destiny.
If you hear boss battle music, you’ve gone too far.
Conclusion
Being fit has nothing to do with money.
It’s about:
- Commitment
- Delusion
- Willingness to look insane in public spaces
You are broke but you are also becoming indestructible.
Stay grinding.
Stay sweaty.
Stay TOO BRO. 💪🔥
