Being successful is 80% performance, 19% caffeine, and 1% actually doing stuff. You might be down bad, but nobody needs to KNOW that. Here’s how to cosplay as a thriving adult when you are, in fact, a financial raccoon with Wi-Fi. 1. Always Look Slightly Rushed Walk fast.Sigh dramatically.Check your phone with intensity.Shake your head […]
Why “Treat Yourself” Is the Enemy of Your Bank Account The phrase “Treat Yourself” started as self-care.Now it’s a financial hit job. Every time life gets mildly inconvenient: Your wallet is TIRED. 1. One Good Vibe = $47 Gone You wake up kinda stressed and suddenly you’re like: “I definitely deserve sushi.” Next thing you […]
At this point, your water bottle is basically your best friend, therapist, emotional anchor, and personality trait. We don’t go anywhere without it. We sleep next to it. We panic when we leave it in the car like it’s a small child in danger. This is bond. 1. The Water Bottle Knows Too Much This […]
Because sometimes you walk into the grocery store and your bank account says: “Pick one item. Choose wisely.” But we’re going to maximize calories, vibes, and survival with minimal financial collapse. This is the Too Bro Meal Plan™, clinically designed by: 1. Ramen (The Cornerstone of Our Civilization) Cost: $0.29Nutritional value: vibesProtein: unclear Add: Boom. […]
Side Hustles That Don’t Suck (and Aren’t Pyramid Schemes) Because if ONE more person tells you to: “Join my essential oils team 🥰✨” You are going to evaporate. Let’s talk REAL side hustles.Not “become your own boss babe” scams.Not “sell leggings to your cousin” nonsense. Actual money. Minimal embarrassment. Maximum vibe. 1. Sell Stuff You […]
Fitness for the Financially Unwell Gym memberships are like $60/month now.That’s crazy.We’re broke, not training for the Olympics. So here’s how to get jacked when your bank account is on dialysis. 1. The Free Gym: Planet Earth™ You know what’s free? Go outside and run like your rent is due. Cardio: handled. 2. DIY Weights […]
The Too Bro Guide to Splitting the Bill Because nothing tests friendship like the check arriving. You came here to vibe.Not to do math that feels like the SATs but louder. Let’s get into the survival guide. 1. The “I Only Had Water” Strategy You ordered: The table: “Okay so it’s $47 each.” Hold up. […]
Because being broke is a financial condition,but looking broke is a personal choice. Welcome to the Too Bro Image Enhancement Program™. 1. Confidence Is 90% of the Outfit You could be wearing: But if you walk like you own: People will be like: “They have money.” No.We just have audacity. 2. Sunglasses = Instant Wealth […]
Why Am I Always Broke? The Science of Being Too Bro Welcome to today’s lesson in financial self-awareness, sponsored by:Your bank account having a panic attack. Let’s break down the official science behind why you are, in fact, Too Bro. 1. You Have “Treat Yourself” Disease You: “I’ve been working hard. I deserve this.”Your wallet: […]
